A cursory search of the interwebs tells me that there isn’t an obstacle course racing drinking game yet. As a person who came of age in the mid-90s when the internet became a thing that started to exist in your home, as well as a person who operates a website that would like hits, let me fix that for you with:
The OCR Drinking Game
(I know it’s morally reprehensible, but I kind of wanted to travel back in time to 1996 so I could put that in <flash> tags.)
Anyhow, you know the disclaimer: This is for amusement purposes only. Do not attempt to actually play this drinking game. You will die. And not in the fun, “That course killed me” kind of way. You’ll die in the “My brain and liver and heart all stopped functioning because they were soaked in alcohol” kind of way. So don’t be a hero—or Wade Boggs.
This game, which shouldn’t be played ever, can be played at an obstacle course race, or while training, or while online.
Take one drink when:
Someone shouts “Aroo!” in response to someone else shouting it.
Someone brags about doing multiple races or multiple loops of a race in a single day.
Someone complains about how a race series has gone downhill in quality since some undefined time in the past.
Someone complains about medal quality.
Someone posts something inspirational online.
You engage beast mode.
You see a military recruitment tent.
Your hair gets caught on barbed wire.
You’re in line at the gear check (one drink per minute wait).
Someone mentions Hobie Call’s last race.
You join an OCR group of some sort.
You see a race with “mud” or “muddy” in its title.
You run shirtless.
You run in a zombie-themed OCR.
There’s a kids’ version of an adult OCR race.
You spot the Fat Boy of Fat Boy Big Wall on a course.
There’s an ice bath obstacle.
You see an old person running a race and crushing it.
Someone extols the virtues of kale.
Take two drinks when:
Someone shouts “I’m an individual, dammit!” in response to somebody else shouting “Aroo!”
Someone posts something inspirational online, but it’s completely first-person, so really it’s that they’re posting something self-aggrandizing.
You become engaged with Beastmaster, and register at Linens and Things.
You join the military at a military recruitment tent.
Your beehive wig gets caught on barbed wire.
You’re in line for the free beer after the race (two drinks per minute wait).
Someone mentions Rose Wetzel’s last race.
You are added to an OCR group, but the group is in the middle of some sort of turmoil that may or may not be a scandal and may or may not involve some embezzlement and may or may not destroy the team even though said team may or may not be a family and oblique posts about the situation dominate your facebook feed for several weeks without actually providing any insight on what happened.
You see a race with “battle” in its title.
You run pantsless.
You run in a mummy-themed OCR.
An adult enters the kids’ version of an adult OCR race in a cynical attempt to finally make a podium.
You spot Fat Boy of Fat Boy Big Wall on the course, climbing a big wall unassisted.
There’s a Portuguese Man-O-War bath obstacle.
You see a fat person running a race and crushing it.
Someone extols the virtues of bacon.
Take three drinks when:
You’re in line for an obstacle (three drinks per minute wait).
Someone mentions Ron Jeremy’s last race.
You see a race with “death” in its title.
You run in an elegant emerald evening gown, including heels, gloves, and diamond tiara.
You run in a nagging mummy themed OCR. (She’s not mad, just disappointed.)
An adult enters the kids’ version of an adult OCR race in a cynical attempt to finally make a podium and succeeds. (I was going to say “fails,” but this adult has obviously had a pretty sad and pathetic life, so why don’t we just give him this one and then not talk to him again, eh?)
You see a person without legs running a race and crushing it.
Someone extols the virtues of coconut oil pulling.
Take four drinks when:
You see a race with “Cuisinart” in its title.
You run dressed as Carmen Miranda.
You run in a Carmen Miranda-themed OCR.
You overuse the phrase “crushing it.” (For purposes of this list, as well as life in general, any use of the phrase “crushing it” shall be considered overuse.)
Someone extols the virtues of Denny’s.
This drinking game should be considered a work in progress. If there’s anything in the OCR world that you’d like to be forced to drink every time you see (NO, NOT REALLY!), let me know in comments or by Twitter. (I retain the right to edit/curate/whatever the frick I want.)