Monthly Goals: January (with a chance of sexy naked pictures if you read to the end)

Happy new year.

Today’s post is going to be part of the most exciting series of posts imaginable, because in it I’m going to take a long, in-depth look at myself and my goals and analyze both with the intensity of an editor I used to work with when he was hunting for commas that didn’t fit the magazine’s style (we used the Oxford comma, if you care) while declaring that catching things like the fact that the article he was editing had been written based on data from a year prior rather than the brand-new, newsworthy data, was “not his job.”

That may not sound as exciting as I intended it. Would it help if I used some exclamation points? !!!!!! Exclamation points mean fun and excitement, right?

Okay, let’s cut that crap. I’m going to publish my monthly goals and progress toward them, and they’re more to hold myself accountable than to provide insight readers. So if you want to skip this bit, no hard feelings. If you do want to read on, well, there is a chance that I’m going to post some sexy naked pictures of myself at the end as a reward for slogging through. (That chance happens to be zero, but zero’s kind of a chance. Right?) In any event, I’ll also try to be intermittently amusing throughout.

Whiteboard showing goals for January

My goals for January, as recorded by a professional scribe who has no hands.

To the right, you’ll see the whiteboard that hangs in my living room/office/whatever that room is where I neither cook, sleep, or poop much should be called, and which holds the readily visible reminder of my goals in glorious “handwriting.” It’s a shame it erases, because if it didn’t I could really mess with the minds of 3010s archeologists.

January’s big goals are:

  • 5 consecutive pull-ups. I’m pleasantly surprised that I can do two or three, depending on the day and how I’m feeling on it, which is no real step back from my best of last year despite ending the year with a pair of bad months diet-wise. I don’t have a great plan for achieving this one, apart from careful diet to lose weight, regular workouts, and regular practice—more to get over the mental hump than the physical.
  • Weight of 255. Today’s reading was 263. I know that the scale isn’t a perfect arbiter of fitness, and that lots of people advise chucking it altogether, but for me it’s easily trackable and workable—I obsess over the number, but at least I know that I obsess over the number in a kind of irrational way, and I’ve figured out how not to let that obsession over the number get in my way. One thing I do is use a 7-day average to (sort of) iron out the noise in the readings, although I only re-started weighing myself a couple days ago so I don’t have that data yet.
  • Fewer than 20 meals out. Yeah, I know. In a way I’m horrified by how much I go to Subway or Chipotle. On the other hand, I’m also horrified by how much time I spend alone. (I work at home.) Apart from my workouts, getting food not at home is one of my primary bits of human contact. I’ll be working to develop some other not-at-home activities, which will hopefully make my urge to go out just to do something other than sitting at my computer a bit less intense.
  • 12 job applications. I don’t just complain about working at home; I also am trying to rectify it.

Longer-term goals include:

  • 50 consecutive push-ups. A previous goal got me to 35 consecutive, although I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen back from that. Although a lot of it is mental; a week of practicing increased my numbers way more than could be explained by any improvement in strength. Likely my main goal for February.
  • Handstand. I’ve been working on this for a while now. I can do a decent handstand against the wall, facing it and walking my feet up, but I can’t come close to getting into one by kicking my legs up.
  • 24-inch box jumps. We often do box jumps at my gym, and the boxes can be turned to be 20 inches, 24 inches, or 30 inches tall. I can do the 24 inches, but not any kind of a full set. There’s definitely some mental issues at play here, though, since the idea of me trying the taller jump, missing by just a bit, falling over, and breaking my face is a lot less funny than the idea of Adam Sandler doing that. (I watched part of That’s My Boy. It was the third movie at a Brew & View, so I was pretty lit—but not nearly lit enough to get through it.)
  • Muscle-up from the 24-inch box. Really, I want to eventually do full-on regular muscle-ups, but they’re a long way away. At the gym, we occasionally use the boxes as support, and I can do one from 30 inches—so I’d like to get closer to the ground on that one.
  • 25-minute 5K. That’s about 90 seconds faster than my current best, but as it’s winter I’m not thinking about that one too much.
  • Lakefront-arboretum bike trip. That’s shorthand for a trip down to the end of Chicago’s Lakefront path, and then back up to the Chicago Arboretum, and home. It’s about 50 miles in total, and really shouldn’t be much of a problem once it gets not cold enough to make you forget which genitals you have.
  • Monkey bars down-and-back. My gym has a 25-rung monkey bar rig. I’ve made it one way; I’d like to make it both. This is one where I have lost a lot of ability—grip strength and hand pain from grabbing the bars and ripping bits of skin off on them are big issues. Kids make it look too easy, which just proves that children are evil.
  • Size 38 and 36 pants. I have two pairs of goal pants. I didn’t purchase them with my own money, I promise. I bought a pair of suits last year for job interviews, which led me to join the retailer’s loyalty club, and the suits were enough to get me some gift certificates, and when I went to redeem them they were having a sale, which led me to be able to get two absurdly expensive pairs of jeans at no additional cost to me. So I got smaller sizes than I currently wear, in hopes that I’d be able to eventually wear them. It made sense at the time.
  • OCR-related: Longer term weight goals and a goal for a burpee-free run at the Indianapolis Sprint.


Filed under Metapost, Obstacle Course Racing, Training

2 responses to “Monthly Goals: January (with a chance of sexy naked pictures if you read to the end)

  1. Pingback: Monthly Goals: Mike Brady Very Cranky! | Fat Boy Big Wall

  2. Pingback: Farewell 2015 | Fat Boy Big Wall

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