This last post wrapping up the Citi Field and Indianapolis Sprints will just share the funny stuff that happened at these races (and the times immediately before and after).
Farts are Never Not Funny
The absolute highlight of the Citi Field sprint for me was the ab wheel-turned-crab walk obstacle. Which had nothing to do with the obstacle itself and everything to do with… well, halfway down, my brother unleashed the biggest fart in the world. Like, I’m shocked the foundations of the stadium didn’t snap in half. My brother literally went airborne and flew maybe five feet. And as for the volunteer who was working that obstacle—well, we owe him several apologies. It couldn’t have been pleasant for him.
On the way to Indianapolis, I stopped for lunch at Arby’s. Obviously, that was a mistake, but here’s another indicator:
That’s not a temporary “Wet Floor” sign. That’s permanently affixed to the door. And it was justified—the floor in that ‘restaurant’ was moist and slick in a way that I have never experienced before. I nearly wiped out several times, which would have totally wrecked the curly fry situation.
En route to Indianapolis, the radio offerings were interesting. I did stumble on to a couple of things I really enjoyed, though. One was a show of classic rock—never a failure. The other, a bit weirder, was a sportscast of college softball. But what made it absolutely incredible was the sportscasters: They really, really, really, really, really didn’t want to be there. Their lack of interest or understanding of the game or awareness of the players or teams were glorious. Unfortunately, the classic rock ended after not too long, and the softball game got postponed due to rain in the 2nd inning. And here’s the weird thing: Both times when the show I wanted to listen to ended, they were replaced by jazz.
Benefits for AARP Members
This happened picking up the rental car for my Indianapolis trip. AARP members get exciting benefits when renting cars. For example, at Avis, they can get a special rate on a Garmin GPS. At Budget, on the other hand, AARP members can get a special rate on a Gramin GPS.
Ikea Meatballs: The Best Food Ever
After the Citi Field Sprint, my brother and I went to Ikea for lunch. The Swedish Meatballs there were the best things ever. Seriously, they were scary good. Like they have crack in them. Even vegans would love them. Even though the layout of the Ikea was such that it took us about 20 minutes of wandering around the store before we finally hit the meatball stand.
Have You Accepted Jesus as Your Personal Savior?
These were in the lobby of my Indy hotel. That bodes well, right?
Racism, 1990s Style
And lastly: Do you still care about Ebonics? Because the fellow who shared my seat on the shuttle bus from the race to the parking lot sure did. The driver of the bus was black, and she was talking to another person who was black, and the guy next to me was horrified. “Do you understand Ebonics?” he demanded. Apparently the driver’s attempt to figure out which of the two lots she was supposed to be driving to was extremely confusing and angering to him. Because, you know, Ebonics.
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