The Lowest-Earning OCR Athletes

So, yesterday ORM published an article about the top-earning athletes in OCR. Cool and all, if you’re into that. But what if you’re more into the everyday racers—the mid-packers, the ones who stay anonymous, the ones whose struggles won’t be elevated to the status of “inspirational story” easily packaged, shared and liked on Facebook?

You’re in luck! In this post, I can offer you a highly exclusive list of the lowest-earning OCR athletes. Read and be inspired. Or not. I’m not your boss.

Female speaker (Actually Dr. Brene Brown)

5. Jordan Alexandrescu: This hard-working mother of two from Cleveland learned that if you put your mind to it, you can overcome any obstacle, and became a motivational speaker to profit off of this realization. Earnings: $600. Unfortunately, she failed to put her mind to the obstacle of learning directions to her first gig, and the route was not marked to her satisfaction, so she arrived 45 minutes late. She managed to get them to pay half of the original price, but word got around, and she never got another motivational speaking gig again.

4. Urd Bruhn: This professional teenybopper from Tulsa sold a finisher medal and shirt on Ebay. Earnings: $79.99, less shipping.

3. Johnathan Albion: This quinoa farmer from Pensacola was offered a gig as a celebrity impersonator thanks to a couple of typos and a mediocre app that finds anyone’s celebrity twin. See, Mosi Murdock was having a party, and being a huge Matlock fan, he wanted an Andy Griffith impersonator. When the app decided that Jonathon Albon is Andy Griffith’s celebrity twin, Mosi tried to Google his number, made a few typos, and didn’t realize his mistake until too late. Earnings: Mosi still gave Johnathan $50 plus a slice of birthday cake for his time. (Not one with the icing rose, of course.)

2. Adella Bryan: She “won” the OCR set up in the backyard by her mom, beating out nobody, because she has no friends. Earnings: One shiny quarter.

1. Ryder Bass: This home economics teacher from Eugene, Oregon, picked up a discarded aluminum can on the course and returned it to a store for the deposit. Earnings: 5 cents (although it would have been 10 in Michigan.) Also, he was able to post about all the garbage on OCR courses and how terrible it is that nobody cares about litter to twelve different OCR Facebook groups, which earned him a total of 374 likes and 51 comments of agreement, forestalling the time when he had to gaze into the empty blackness of his own soul for a full 31 hours.

(Credits: Most names generated randomly at Behind The Name. Photo is actually Dr. Brené Brown; Photo by Dell Inc., licensed under CC BY 2.0 via https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dr._Brene_Brown_at_Texas_Conference_for_Women_(cropped).jpg)

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