Fruit Ninja #3: The Bosc Pear

Welcome to the third in a series of posts in which I stand in judgment over miscellaneous fruits. Today, I’m judging the Bosc Pear.

What is it?

It’s a pear! It may weird you out, because where do you start?

What does it look like? It looks a lot like a child of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. Not the one they loved, the one they dropped a lot. Either that or the sweet old grandmother who works in the lunchroom in a kid’s TV show.

What does it taste like? It wants to taste like an apple, but it can’t quite manage it. If a plain cake donut could taste like a fruit, it would taste like a pear.

What is its texture? It wants to feel like an apple but it can’t quite manage it. It doesn’t quite have the crunch, or the firmness. It’s more like really old mashed potatoes. And then you run into the gritty bits that feel like when a bit of beaky gristle doesn’t get ground up finely enough and makes its way into the Chicken McNugget as a chunk, which doesn’t help matters.

How does eating one make you feel? Like this:

Yes, complete with the really weird lighting.

How would an Elizabethan orphan react? “I am very fill’d with pangs of hunger. There’s few or none will entertain it, but I wanteth to consume.”

What would its motto be? Inferius signus! (Lower your standards.)

What do the experts say? “Bosc pears stand out in a crowd for many reasons. Their long, curved stem and elegant elongated neck that widens gradually to a full rounded base creates a silhouette that is unique among pears. … Many artists feature the russeted Bosc pear in their paintings, drawings, and photography because of the natural beauty it imparts.” (via USA Pears.)

“The Most Elegant Pear Around” (via Stemilt World Famous Fruit.)

How would you describe this fruit in interpretive dance? 

(See what I did there? Every move is in twos, because it’s a pear.)

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